Apple Slab Pie

Me and Pie Crust – Mutual Disregard

Pie. Crust. I loathe it. Despise it. And it loathes me. We do not get along, pie crust and I. And I don’t know why. I mean, I can bake. I love making yeast doughs. Beautiful shaped loaves, cinnamon rolls, even copycat steakhouse bread. No problem! But pie crust? Nope. No way.

Pie crust has taunted me for years. And I happen to be one of those people who you just do not tell “you can’t do that.” Uh. Excuse me. What did you say? Watch me. And pie crust has spoken to me that way for years. It was time for me to take control of the situation and show pie crust who was boss. Or so I thought…

Maybe I’ll Try a Slab Pie

I decided that an easy, simple “slab” pie would be a good opportunity to tackle my inability to create a pie crust. After all, with a slab pie there’s no fitting the crust into a pan and no need to make a perfect edge. Just make the crust, roll it out, and lay it flat. Easy-peasy. Or so I thought.

I’ve included each individual step below followed by my thoughts in brackets as I worked through the “easy-peasy” making of pie crust. Did I master my kitchen nemesis? Hmmphmmm.

🔪 How to Make Apple Slab Pie

Measure the Dry Ingredients

Start by making the crust: In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, baking powder, and sugar.

[Okay, got that! I can mix dry stuff together.]

Prepare the Butter

Cut the cold butter into cubes.

[I know that the butter should be really, really cold but is that freezer-cold or refrigerator-cold? I decided refrigerator-cold was good enough. Got that step, then.]

Combine the Butter and Dry Ingredients

Work the cubed butter into the dry ingredients with your fingers or a pastry cutter. Don’t overwork the mixture. There should be larger chunks of butter among the smaller ones.

[I used a pastry cutter because even though my hands are not very warm, I wasn’t taking any chances. I think I’m good with this step but how much work is overworked? I’m not sure but I wound up with some big chunks and some smaller chunks of butter. Maybe I’m still doing okay, but who knows? I don’t.]

Add Vinegar and Water

Add the vinegar and 4 tablespoons of water. Toss to combine. Continue adding water one tablespoon at a time to make a chunky, cohesive mixture. The mixture should hold together when you squeeze a handful of it.

[Uh oh, now I’m in trouble. I’ve added the vinegar and water. I’m tossing it all together. I squeeze a handful and it holds but is that because it’s full of butter or because it has enough water. Beats me. I decide it’s wet enough and go on to the next step.]

Divide the Dough

Divide the dough into two pieces, one containing about 60% of the dough and the other containing about 40%.

[Looks like about a 60-40 split and I’m happy with that but I also notice all these little pieces flaking off around the two rounds. Maybe that means the dough is dry? Maybe I just didn’t gather it together well enough. Sigh. I loathe pie crust dough. Truly.]

Let the Dough Rest

Wrap each individually in plastic wrap and refrigerate until cold (at least 30 minutes and up to an hour).

[This part I got! I’m a master with plastic wrap.]

Roll Out the Dough

When chilled, remove the larger piece of dough from the refrigerator and roll it out on a lightly floured surface to a rectangle approximately 11×15 inches. Place on a baking sheet and return to the refrigerator while mixing the filling.

[And…here’s the part I despise the most. Rolling out the dang crust. So I start rolling it out and, of course, the edges are cracking like thin ice in the winter. I keep pushing it back together and rolling and pushing it back together and rolling until I get something that looks kinda sorta like a rectangle. Roll it up on my pin and transfer it over to the pan. Whew. Well, at least it’s on the pan. Sorta. Whatever. It’s staying there whether it’s right or not.]

Start preheating the oven to 350 degrees.

[That I can do. By this time I’m wondering why the heck I wanted to try making this dadgum slab pie. Who even wants pie for Pete’s sake. Just let them eat cake. <feels some vague kinship with Marie Antoinette>]

Make the Filling

In a small bowl, combine the sugar, flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.

[At least I can measure dry ingredients together and stir them. I think. I’m not sure I should even be allowed in the kitchen by this time.]

Prepare the Apples

Place the apples in a large mixing bowl and sprinkle with the lemon juice. Pour over the sugar mixture and toss until evenly coated.

[So it took forever to peel and slice all those apples but I got it done. Poured the sugar and spices over and let it sit. Why? I don’t even remember, I was so rattled by this time. But do you know what happens if you let sugar sit on fruit for a while? Oh yeah. It starts to draw the moisture out and you wind up with a lot of liquid in the bottom of your bowl. But did I think of that? Noooo…..]

Add the Filling to the Crust

Remove the baking sheet from the refrigerator and place the apple mixture evenly on top leaving at least a one-inch border all around. Roll the remaining dough into a rectangle approximately 9×13. Lay the top crust over the apples.

[So what did I do? Yes. Poured the apple slices with all the liquid that had pooled in the bottom of the bowl right on top of the crust. Aw, frig it. Just slap the top crust on there and be done with it.]

Seal the Top and Bottom Crusts

Seal the edges of the two crusts bringing the bottom crust up and over the top crust and folding them together. Brush the entire top and edges of the crust with milk or cream. Sprinkle evenly with your choice of sugar. Slash the top a few times to allow for venting.

[Uh huh. That apple juice is now running all over the baking sheet. What’s that going to do in the oven? Yeah, you know. It’s going to cook and stick to the pan adhering the crust to it like it was welded together in a metal working shop. Slapped on the cream (which I didn’t have so I used 2% milk) and sprinkled that sucker with some turbinado sugar left from last Christmas’ baking because by this time who gives a crap.]

Bake the Pie

Bake for 1 hour. If the crust starts to get too brown before the end of the baking time, cover loosely with a sheet of aluminum foil and continue baking.

[Um yeah. Brown. Try black, burned on apple juice and sugar. Foil’s going to help that, right?]

Remove the pie from the oven and allow it to cool for 30 minutes before serving.

Serve with ice cream if desired.

[But do you know what? Even though we had to chisel it off the baking sheet (literally), that dang slab pie was delicious! I mean, really, put enough vanilla ice cream on anything and it tastes pretty good!]

More Pie Recipes on Lana’s Cooking (and every one of them uses a purchased crust):

• Egg Custard Pie
• Chocolate Meringue Pie
• Pecan Cheesecake Pie
• Fresh Strawberry Pie
• Coconut Meringue Pie
• Heavenly Peach Pie
• Lemon Meringue Pie